My Kind of Testimonial!

A quite a while back I wrote a post about why I don't tout my statistics or success stories on my website or blog.  You can read that post here

What it comes down to is that I don't want a woman to work with me just because she reads an impressive number on my website.  Nor do I want a woman to work with me because she sees a testimonial where someone like her writes to thank me for helping her have a baby.  Of COURSE, I know that each and every woman I have the honor of working with wants to be a mom in the deepest fibers of her being and of COURSE I know that that is the ultimate success they are hoping I will help them achieve and I want that too! But that to me there is so much more to the story...

I get emails sometimes with the sorts of "testimonials" I REALLY feel tell about me and my practice. I just got this one the other day and it brought tears to my eyes:

'I cannot even tell you how special a part of this journey you have been for me.  I feel that I am a better person for having known you.  I know that sounds a little sappy, but it’s true.  You created a shift in me.  I feel now that I can say I handled this journey with strength and grace and I owe that so much to you.  You helped me to learn to feel the bad when it happens, but then move on.  You helped me to know that I was never alone in what I was feeling, even the darkest of thoughts.  You led me to amazing new friendships that I cherish.  You taught me to not compare or judge other women’s pain.  And so much more, I know.  I really am to a point now where I wouldn’t want to change my journey… at all.  Even though it was so, so difficult.  I like where I am, and I like who I am.'

And although I rejoice with each and every baby I help facilitate coming into this world and I cheer for my patients' successes.  This sort of feedback, more than any positive pregnancy test or birth announcement (and I LOVE these - believe me!) is why I love my job more than I will ever ever be able to express and this is why I am passionate about my role in helping others navigate this very hard road. I feel like babies often do come from this place of peace and support and balance and when I facilitate these things the rest comes so much more naturally.

So if THIS is the sort of thing you are seeking on your own journey and you don't know where to turn or how you could possibly feel this way, please read more of my blog posts, come to my retreats or think of working with me. It'd be my pleasure to help in any possible way I can, even if we never meet!

Testimonials, Success Rates, Etc.

I want to take the time to share my very personal views on testimonials and the overt use of success rates, etc. on websites, blogs, etc. specifically when it comes to fertility.

While I by no means want to put down anyone who makes the choice to feature these things, I want to be clear in why I do not...

I work very hard in my life, in my practice and in my interactions with the women I work with to stress the importance of holistic balance, living right now, not putting their life on hold, not looking for a magic bullet, and not thinking more is better.  In short, I try to get to a place with each and every woman where she feels as in balance and in the moment as possible, pregnant or not, and then trust that fertility will come from that place of moderation, mindfulness and balance.  This is not to say a woman should or even needs to get to some place of complete peace or zen and let go of her desire to have a child... quite the opposite in fact, infertility is hard and it is unrealistic to expect a woman not to care deeply when it is perhaps her deepest desire and the most personal struggle she has ever faced... it is just to say there is some balance and moderation within this very charged and difficult place. And there is support.

To put testimonials on my website or a big success rate in bold print on my blog seems, to me, to be in direct conflict with these goals.  I don't want someone reading my blog and saying, "well if Jane Doe with an FSH of 35 got pregnant with Nicole's amazing needles and three months of Chinese Herbs... sign me up!"  Nor do I want someone to say, "Wow, a success rate of X%... I like those odds, I'm going to take my chance and hope I'm in there too!"

What I do want is women want to see me because they...

Feel like they are ready to start feeling better right now instead of feeling worse and worse with each passing month or failed cycle...
Feel like what they've been doing doesn't feel right want to honor that and make a change to something that does...
Feel like they are ready to get back to the life they put on the back burner while they were ttc... back to enjoying life, their partner, the things they have put off and then grow their family from a renewed & balanced place...
Feel like taking care of themselves is appealing...
Feel like they want to be proactive and listen to what their body is telling them instead of trying to override it...
Feel like feeling rotten isn't fertility promoting and I don't want to feel rotten anymore...
Feel like they want to go to the root of their concerns and be proactive and empowered...

I want people to see me for THESE reasons.  I want their decision to come from where they are and what they feel on their own, not with the enticements of a success rate or wanting to be someone else from a testimonial.

And so I do not publish these things.  I do however, when appropriate, share stories of hope, success, and triumphs one-on-one, when I feel they serve a greater purpose more individually and specifically.

Beyond initial motivation, using these things also seems to me to have the potential to be hurtful in the long run.  The fact of the matter is that no matter how high a success rate is (unless it's 100% and believe you me, when I get to that I'll post it everywhere!) or how many happy testimonials of, "bliss with our baby we might never otherwise have had."  There are going to be some women who do not become pregnant.  And the truth is these women might be a success in a WAY different way than they initially imagined or hoped.  Perhaps they are blissfully happy with their newly adopted child, perhaps they move to other third party options they never thought they'd accept and have their child only then, perhaps they come to some closure and decide to live child free or with only one child (in the case of secondary infertility), and these are just the three most obvious examples of what I would argue really are successes.  But these aren't the stories in success rates and testimonials. And those women and families might feel like they didn't succeed or have a success story, even when they might actually have some of the sweetest, most amazing, beautiful stories of all.  And I do not want to contribute to that perception.

So, if you are scouring my website for moving testimonials or amazing success rates and questioning why you aren't finding them, I hope you will also come across this explanation.  And I hope it will make you take pause and think about what you are really looking for. If I still feel like a good fit, it will be an honor to work with you and I know we will do some amazing work together!

Nicole