Testimonials, Success Rates, Etc.

I want to take the time to share my very personal views on testimonials and the overt use of success rates, etc. on websites, blogs, etc. specifically when it comes to fertility.

While I by no means want to put down anyone who makes the choice to feature these things, I want to be clear in why I do not...

I work very hard in my life, in my practice and in my interactions with the women I work with to stress the importance of holistic balance, living right now, not putting their life on hold, not looking for a magic bullet, and not thinking more is better.  In short, I try to get to a place with each and every woman where she feels as in balance and in the moment as possible, pregnant or not, and then trust that fertility will come from that place of moderation, mindfulness and balance.  This is not to say a woman should or even needs to get to some place of complete peace or zen and let go of her desire to have a child... quite the opposite in fact, infertility is hard and it is unrealistic to expect a woman not to care deeply when it is perhaps her deepest desire and the most personal struggle she has ever faced... it is just to say there is some balance and moderation within this very charged and difficult place. And there is support.

To put testimonials on my website or a big success rate in bold print on my blog seems, to me, to be in direct conflict with these goals.  I don't want someone reading my blog and saying, "well if Jane Doe with an FSH of 35 got pregnant with Nicole's amazing needles and three months of Chinese Herbs... sign me up!"  Nor do I want someone to say, "Wow, a success rate of X%... I like those odds, I'm going to take my chance and hope I'm in there too!"

What I do want is women want to see me because they...

Feel like they are ready to start feeling better right now instead of feeling worse and worse with each passing month or failed cycle...
Feel like what they've been doing doesn't feel right want to honor that and make a change to something that does...
Feel like they are ready to get back to the life they put on the back burner while they were ttc... back to enjoying life, their partner, the things they have put off and then grow their family from a renewed & balanced place...
Feel like taking care of themselves is appealing...
Feel like they want to be proactive and listen to what their body is telling them instead of trying to override it...
Feel like feeling rotten isn't fertility promoting and I don't want to feel rotten anymore...
Feel like they want to go to the root of their concerns and be proactive and empowered...

I want people to see me for THESE reasons.  I want their decision to come from where they are and what they feel on their own, not with the enticements of a success rate or wanting to be someone else from a testimonial.

And so I do not publish these things.  I do however, when appropriate, share stories of hope, success, and triumphs one-on-one, when I feel they serve a greater purpose more individually and specifically.

Beyond initial motivation, using these things also seems to me to have the potential to be hurtful in the long run.  The fact of the matter is that no matter how high a success rate is (unless it's 100% and believe you me, when I get to that I'll post it everywhere!) or how many happy testimonials of, "bliss with our baby we might never otherwise have had."  There are going to be some women who do not become pregnant.  And the truth is these women might be a success in a WAY different way than they initially imagined or hoped.  Perhaps they are blissfully happy with their newly adopted child, perhaps they move to other third party options they never thought they'd accept and have their child only then, perhaps they come to some closure and decide to live child free or with only one child (in the case of secondary infertility), and these are just the three most obvious examples of what I would argue really are successes.  But these aren't the stories in success rates and testimonials. And those women and families might feel like they didn't succeed or have a success story, even when they might actually have some of the sweetest, most amazing, beautiful stories of all.  And I do not want to contribute to that perception.

So, if you are scouring my website for moving testimonials or amazing success rates and questioning why you aren't finding them, I hope you will also come across this explanation.  And I hope it will make you take pause and think about what you are really looking for. If I still feel like a good fit, it will be an honor to work with you and I know we will do some amazing work together!

Nicole