One of my ever-evolving patients emailed me this link to a blog post she found helpful (as a woman who has suffered pregnancy loss). It put what I've said for a long time in such a simple way, I hope you check it out and give it some thought!
My version (never one for short versions!) goes something like this... In many instances, I don't believe things happen "for a reason." They just happen... some will inevitably feel fair and good and right, some feel rotten and unfair and wrong, but in reality, they are just things that happen and that's how life works - it's a big old jumbled up mix of ups and downs and cycles and balance (even though it is hard to see when you're in the thick of the the dis-equelibrium moments).
To take this logic a step further, I think things like manifesting something or believing something into existence feel true and do-able and awesome when things are going your way, but totally horrible and like another layer of failure when things aren't going well. In short, I think manifesting and believing something into existence is total B.S. (Said, like a person who's been through some rotten times right?) But I promise you I'm not jaded in the slightest! It's just that I know I didn't manifest the trauma I've experienced in my life (nor was it for some greater purpose). Just as I know people living in war and poverty didn't manifest having that life. I know women who aren't holding beautiful babies in their arms even though their hearts long for them aren't failing at manifesting them. So take that!
As the author of the aforementioned blog (and the book Magical Thinking which you can bet I'll be adding to my reading list) explores, there is lots you can do with this. It's not a helpless, disempowered vulnerable place to be. It is quite the opposite. It just takes some cultivating and practice. You can take this understanding and turn it into what you do have control over and what you can do... how you react, the choices you make, the person you want to be, how you treat others, how you treat yourself, gaining perspective, cultivating gratitude, being mindful... and so much more! These things are not only beautiful and amazing, but POWERFUL!
And some final food for thought on this subject. I was talking with my lovely officemate Sima about the dangers of this "magical thinking" and tying it into some of the things that came up during my last Busy Women's Retreat about "The Grass Being Greener;" I saw so many connections. Both beliefs have so many root causes in common, for example, having lots of choices in our lives, being bombarded with social media and pop culture which both seem to say our lives should and can be "perfect," etc. and she said something that really clicked... She said, it's a lot about privilege - being able to feel these things - the grass is greener and I can control my destiny. And I thought to myself, that is such a lovely distilled way of saying this.
We live in a largely privileged time and place, and it is a privilege to be able to tell ourselves these things. Surely less privileged people do not maintain these ideas in the same way we do. It was perfect and insightful and lovely (which Sima is herself!) That word privilege also made me think of how those who have not had horrible things happen in their lives, things that make them question their level of control, have a sort of privilege not to know any better. Or maybe it's the other way around... I am glad I have had the shroud of illusion lifted from my eyes. It is a silver lining, it is something I can learn and take forward into my life, it is something that gives me more compassion for myself and others, it makes me grateful and more mindful... do I think the crappy stuff that happened in my life was "meant to be" so I could learn all this... nope! I think that's just what I did with some crappy luck :) What'll you do with yours?
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