At my retreat yesterday one of the women said something to the effect of, 'prior to a few years ago, Mother's Day was just a day... a holiday where I'd do something nice for my mom... but now, it's something completely different."
Has Mother's Day shifted for you? Instead of a day to take your mom to brunch, buy flowers or go to a cook-out, has it morphed into an entire day that feels like a punch in the gut, a slap in the face, a reminder that you indeed are NOT a mother, despite putting every fiber of your body and soul into becoming one.
If it has, I am sorry.
Not everyone will even remotely understand your feelings. I'm sorry.
Your own partner might not get it. I'm sorry.
You may feel even more isolated and alone today than you do on other days. I'm sorry.
You may spend today fighting off tears. I'm sorry.
You may feel insulted, left out, and on edge today. I'm sorry.
I get it... and even though you might not be surrounded by them today, there are lots of other women who get it. You are NOT alone!
And I've got a call to action for you all. I'd like to encourage you to do something that might not have crossed your mind. Try (even if it's only in your own head) to do something that makes today a different type of Mother's Day - one that's for you. Make today a Longing to be Mothers Day. Because it is not for lack of trying that you aren't one. It is nothing you have done or not done. It's just how it is, for now, for this year, and it isn't fair that you have to feel rotten and like a failure because you are not a failure. You are a strong, brave, amazing woman who is in the trenches and who deserves a celebration of her own sort.
So take a long bath or a walk, buy yourself some flowers, order take out, watch a favorite movie or read a book. And if you think they would understand, tell your partner or others around you who love you that today you are still going to celebrate and let them pamper you and make you feel special too.
And for the grief and anger that will still be there, do something to honor that too. For grief and anger are SURELY big parts of Longing to be Mother's Day! Burn a candle vigil for the child(ren) you thought would be here or want to invite here. Plant a flower in honor of your losses and pain and as you care for it let it be a reminder to take care of yourself. Punch a pillow, scream out loud, have a good cry. There's no right or wrong way to do this. It's YOUR day... so do what you want and what feels right to you.
You're in my thoughts.
Welcome to my blog!
I'm an acupuncturist, teacher, fertility specialist, patient centered advocate, mom, activist and more! This blog is a place for me to write down the things on my mind, the things I discuss over and over, and the things I find helpful, interesting, and inspiring all in the hope that someone else out there, maybe YOU, will find some of these things to be helpful, interesting and inspiring too. I love learning, I love sharing, and I am passionate about helping others lead more balanced, fertile, and healthy lives - while trying to do the same myself. So here goes... The Blogging Life...
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