Big Picture in the Workplace

You know the kind of drama that can happen between people in the workplace?  Gossipy, catty, power struggles and the like?  I whole heartedly believe that with the right framework so much of that drama can be turned into connections, support, emotional ease and all sorts of lovely things!  


In my practice I often have conversations with women who are dealing with stress due to relationship conflicts at work.  Often times it feels like there is no way around it or that "that's just what the working world is like" and they seem resigned to foraging ahead miserable in a place they spend a good amount of their time.  


But holistically, anything that is a big deal and takes up our time and attention can be a powerful force in shifting the balance of our health - for better or for worse.  THIS is precisely the sort of holism I like to work with women on!  So when a woman is desperate to get pregnant, is willing to do just about anything available to help her egg quality, uterine blood flow, partner's sperm, etc. but thinks that working on job stress is off topic (or maybe worse-a distraction from the "real" job at hand), my job is to gently reframe her small picture focus (the one where she believes that only her ovaries, eggs and uterus matter) into a big picture (the more in balance her WHOLE body, mind and spirit are, the better her fertility!)


So what is the framework?  


Communication: This isn't just talking, but listening too.  And it needs to be genuine and honest.  It may seem hard to tell someone something is an issue for you, but if they don't know it's an issue or have been reading the situation differently how would they ever be able to respond in a way that is helpful or different?  Conversely, it might be difficult to hear someone has some stress around something that involves you and it might be easy to feel defensive, but if you are truly hearing what the other person is saying chances are very good that it is about them and not you.  

On that topic, my officemate (how appropriate!) Jen Connell shared some lovely thoughts...

"We're each on our own journey of growth in life, and none of us has arrived at perfection, probably because it doesn't exist.  We're perfect within and despite our quirkiness and our limitations.  Sometimes people and/or circumstances just push our buttons in some weird way.  There are some situations in which each of us just can't seem to be at ease, for whatever reason.  And, those are areas that can help us learn and grow, if we wish, but it makes not sense to stress and punish ourselves in the meantime.  We just need to recognize our own discomfort and pray for ease, freedom and awareness."


Compassion: When potentially stressful situations are approached with compassion instead of all those knee jerk or gut reaction negative feelings there is room not only to alleviate the stress and suffering that are there right now, but grow as a person and in our relationships.  By reframing the stress as your suffering and showing vulnerability, honestly and willingness to be open and explore these feelings real connections are made, both within ourselves and with each other. If this seems like a stretch, try thinking of every person as someone who you love deeply and completely, like the unconditional love parents have for their children.  Even within conflict or stress feeling this way towards a person creates a foundation of wanting things to be better and safe and okay....  when we deal with stress with others in this compassionate way it is hard for things not to get better.


So give it a try, what have you got to lose besides some long term stress?!


Nicole