Even under the best possible circumstances sex can loose its excitement over time. Familiarity, routine, busy lives, opposing work schedules, fatigue, and stress are just a few common factors in many of our sex lives that lead to less that ideal circumstances for intimacy. Add to these common concerns fertility struggles and you are often left with a recipe for romantic disaster. In addition to the already common concerns, sex often becomes little more than a means to an end, high-stakes, timed, on command, and like some test we feel we are doomed to ultimately fail…again.
Although Western medicine says that “high stress sex” is irrelevant when it comes to success, holistic medicine says that is not the case. Indeed any activity done mindfully with enjoyment is better than its mindless or negative counterpart from a holistic perspective…this includes everything from eating to exercise, walking to sex! And even if success rates aren’t any different, wouldn’t it just be nice to reconnect, relax and enjoy sex again!?
The following is a list of suggestions from mild to racy. Try some of the suggestions or use them as a springboard to come up with your own and see if you can put some of the spice back in your sex life.
Feeding Your Senses: Tasting for Two
With a partner, try this exercise adapted from Gloria Craft's work.
1. Choose 5-10 high quality foods of varying flavors and textures, such as agave nectar, pitted olives, chipotle-lime chips, avocado, chocolate, and orange pieces.
2. Decide who will be the feeder and who will be the taster. The taster leaves the room. The feeder lines up food samples in small containers on a table, along with a glass of spring water, a clove of peeled garlic speared on a toothpick, and a capful of raw, apple-cider vinegar.
3. The feeder blindfolds the taster, leads her into the room, and helps her sit in front of the table. Without speaking, the feeder waves the garlic under the taster's nose for about 10 seconds, gives her a sip of water, waves the vinegar under her nose, and gives another drink.
4. The feeder places the first bit of food on the taster's lips, allowing her to experience it for 10 seconds, and then gives the taster a sip of water. The feeder alternates samples and water, allowing plenty of time between tastes.
5. Switch roles, and begin again.
First Published: March 2007 Body & Soul Magazine
Dinner for Deux
Spend an evening preparing a romantic dinner together. Set some melodic music to play gently in the background as you prepare food together and indulge in a glass of wine. Relax and take pleasure in the culmination of your combined efforts. Linger at the table until the last drop of wine has kissed your lips and stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Challenge your mate to hold your gaze simply by the intensity caught within your eyes. Share a slice of dessert on the same plate and take the time to feed each other the delicious delight. As your meal concludes, kick off your shoes and hold each other close as you begin to slow dance in the living room. http://www.beautyden.com/sensualcouples.shtml
Treat each other to aromatherapy and full-body massages with essential oils. First decide if you would like to wear your bathing suits, your undergarments, a towel, or less. Select a location such as a comfortable bed, a lounge chair or a nice clean spot on the floor, stretched across a soft blanket. You may choose to play gentle background music or sounds such as ocean or brook soundtracks, or those featuring the wind, rainforests, etc. Be sure to select an aromatic essential oil to massage into your sweetheart’s skin for a soothing and sensual experience. http://www.beautyden.com/sensualcouples.shtml
Take turns pampering each other and stimulating one another’s muscles by firmly massaging the back, neck, shoulders, arms and even the hands to start. Pay special attention to the lower back, as this area experiences a lot of stress from general daily activities and from being on the job. Work your magic on your partner from head to toe, focusing more energy on the muscles that seem tighter or those that have been neglected. The backs of one’s legs should benefit significantly if massaged properly. You may wish to consult a book on different types of massage before engaging in the full-body massage. http://www.beautyden.com/sensualcouples.shtml
Try these interactive hand and foot reflexology charts for more massage ideas: http://www.dorlingkindersley-uk.co.uk/static/cs/uk/11/features/reflexology/extract.html
In the mood for something racier?
You must be 18 years or older to go to these sites.
Consider some of the following:
Online Adult Toy Stores: shop from the privacy of your own home:
My favorite The Smitten Kitten (Local, body friendly chemical free!) http://www.smittenkittenonline.com
My Pleasure.com: http://mypleasure.com/
Passion Parties.com: http://www.passionparties.com/shop.html
Adam & Eve.com: http://www.adameve.com/
Or head out around town:
My favorite (body friendly chemical free!) http://www.smittenkittenonline.com
Fantasy Gifts (relatively tame by sex shop standards): https://www.fantasygifts.com/fhg/index.html
The X-rated Sex World in downtown Minneapolis: http://www.shopsexworld.com/store/
Welcome to my blog!
I'm an acupuncturist, teacher, fertility specialist, patient centered advocate, mom, activist and more! This blog is a place for me to write down the things on my mind, the things I discuss over and over, and the things I find helpful, interesting, and inspiring all in the hope that someone else out there, maybe YOU, will find some of these things to be helpful, interesting and inspiring too. I love learning, I love sharing, and I am passionate about helping others lead more balanced, fertile, and healthy lives - while trying to do the same myself. So here goes... The Blogging Life...